Don't Be a Fence Sitter

I came across a term the other day: 骑墙派. Fence-sitter.

I wrote it at the top of a notebook page like a diagnosis. Then I started applying it to myself.

The Fence-Sitter

You want a high salary. You want remote work. And you do not want much work to do. That is the fence-sitter’s wishlist. It is not wrong to want those things. But it is naive to expect them all from the same situation.

I had been imagining an ideal job. I wanted:

• A big pay cheque
• Remote work
• A good company

But I also did not want:

• The night meetings
• The stress
• The heavy communication load

I wanted the pay, the flexibility, and the light workload — all together.

That is 骑墙派. Sitting on the fence, collecting the upsides from every option, refusing to land on one side and pay the cost.

Every Decision Has a Bill

I drew a line down the page and listed what I would get. Then I forced myself to list what I would pay.

The potential job offer could be:

• Working at the client’s timezone, which requires switching your routines to match.
• It meant stress, because that is often what a company buys when it pays you a lot.
• It meant meetings and constant communication.

You cannot take a decision and keep only the half you like. Every job, every commitment, every major choice has its good and its bad. The question is not whether there is a downside. The question is whether the upside is worth it to you.

Changing the Terms

I wrote a note to myself: if there is something you cannot accept, change the approach or the conditions.

Could I choose a lower-paying job? One with less pressure? A smaller scope? A four-day week? Each of those changes the trade. You give up something to get something else.

That is the real work. Not finding the perfect offer. Finding the offer where the sacrifice is something you can actually live with.

What Do You Actually Want?

I kept asking this and avoiding the answer. So I forced myself to write it down.

• Remote work.
• The ability to pick my kid up from school.
• A x amount of monthly salary.

Those were the non-negotiables.

Once the list exists, the decisions get simpler. Does this imagined offer match the list? If not, what am I trading away? And is that trade acceptable?

Keep the List Alive

I also started a second list. The compromises. The things I am willing to sacrifice.

More stress, for now. I can probably handle it in my twenties. I probably cannot in my forties. That means the compromise has an expiry date. It is not a permanent character trait. It is a temporary allowance.

Both lists change. They are not static. But I do not change them frequently, because that defeats the purpose. The list exists to keep me from swaying every time a new option appears.

The Conclusion

The conclusion is that I now have a checklist of what I want and what I will sacrifice for it.

In short, I have awareness of what I want and what I could compromise to get what I want in my life.

That is enough.